A day in heaven

Julie came back! Only for a day, but it was just her and me (her parents were visiting relatives in town) and it was fan-tas-tic. We had a seriously boss time: we did some shopping in the sales, and a walk in the park, and lots of just sitting and talking. She reckons Coventry’s okay but she'd rather be back here, and y’know I want that too.

So I totally told her all about my parents' plan to send me to Bangladesh - we'd already chatted about it on Messenger but a serious heart-to-heart when you're one on one is so much better - and then there’s the whole Tareq thing - Julie reckons the whole Bangladesh thing is all about my parents reacting to the Tareq/girlfriend thing, because my parents probably think that Tareq's parents have like totally lost control of him, and they reckon that they can stop me going the same way if I'm under my relatives thumbs half-way around the world.

Oh yeah - Tareq, I've not heard from him recently, and he's not answering his phone. Hope he's okay.

Grand opening

Tareq's uncle opened his new shop on Manor Street yesterday, and you could totally say it went with a bang. So like Tareq's uncle, right - he's so not the sort of guy you'd reckon for a retail tycoon or something, he’s more kind of a moocher you’d expect to be hanging round in his folks' place playing World of Warcraft 24/7, but, get this - this is his third shop and the biggest yet.

So I go along with my folks, and Tareq's whole family are there munching their way through masses of those new Pringles (verdict: prefer Kettle chips) and being all like happy holidays and ‘eid mubarek’ and stuff. Then Tareq rocks up. With his girl, the one his parents told him never to see again. They stand outside the shop - so like everyone can see them through the big glass windows and there’s this major scene and everyone’s looking cos they’re snogging for what feels like three and a half days, and then she goes off and he comes in.

You could have cut the silence with a knife. A blunt one.

And Tareq is all like, "What?"

Well, there was major strife if you know what I mean - seriously aggro. His parents really had a go at him, and he was giving it back to them as good as he got, and the relatives were taking sides and it would have been funny if T wasn't my best mate and I wasn’t watching him totally wipe out the whole goodwill-to-all-men vibe with his whole family and everything every time he opened his mouth.

So his parents finally drag him out of the shop and back home, where the row went on. I think they're doing a ceasefire right now – there’s like regrouping and new tactics or something. But I think Tareq's totally nuked his relationship with his parents. You just know he's not going to be finding a Wii under the Christmas trii this year.

This has totally turned into 'What's Going On With Tareq?'-blog, hasn't it? More about me and my own depressing life next week, I promise.

Tareq. Again.

Ok so latest word on Tareq is: still behaving like a freak. He's been totally avoiding me for the last few days like I was a dead fish or something - yeah, like old dead fish - but I finally trapped him yesterday cos I had to give him the lowdown on the whole Bangladesh thing (and chat about the cricket) and we went over to Cafe Marco for a school's-out-for-Christmas latte.

He wasn’t really giving up any info on his movements, but his hands were all scraped and scabby - he said he'd been in a fight. Well, yeah, he so had - on the Eastburgh Estate last weekend. He was all about how as soon as things kicked off up there he was right there and seriously got into it with some of the crew from the estate. He legged it as soon as the police showed up. If you know Tareq, that's so not like him. He's a big guy but he doesn't get into fights.

He said he's still seeing AGENT X too. That was a shocker. They're both totally pretending to their parents that they've broken up, but the relationship is still full-on. Anyway, he seems more zen now - totally got his fu back and stuff, but that thing about the Estate frightens me. Still, I've got my own problems to worry about.

And Tareq's uncle's new shop is opening on Saturday. They've had a few delays but there'll be a big party. So if you're in the area - it's "Food Etc." on Manor Street, mention my name and you'll get all the exotic fruit juice you can drink and 2 for 1 on boxes of chocolates. See you there!

I see a long journey ahead

So I've found out why my parents cancelled the relative-visiting trip to Bangladesh. Well, so it’s not about cancelling it actually, it’s just all changed. We had a big sit-down-and-talk, all four of us, and guess what? They seriously think I should go to Bangladesh to 'finish my education'. And like soon - February or March.

This means: living with relatives in Sylhet, sent to a Muslim school, working for one of the family businesses in my spare time, and totally set up as a possible husband. My parents may have had the guts to get themselves to England, but they're pretty traditional and totally proud of their heritage - and the relatives back 'home' (yeah, but not my home) are like SERIOUSLY religious and will totally not get where I'm coming from. I bet they put mum and dad up to this. Plus Sylhet... well, it's not exactly Leicester Square on a Saturday night, you know what I mean?

So I’m like kicking up big time, all about why they came to the UK in the first place if all they want to do is send their kids back, but they’ve totally decided. And I'm gutted - serious. I'm English! Yeah, I want to travel and see the world, for sure, but this is just so weird. It sucks.

Merry freakin Christmas, Ahmed.

Still, if they do pack me off, at least I won't have to keep supporting England in the cricket.
WHAT HAPPENED to Freddie Flintoff's captaincy?

Update on Tareq

I'm seriously worried about Tareq. He's totally not in a happy place right now. And he'd kill me if he knew I was blogging him up like this but I know he’s not into the whole blog thing - so he won't have seen this but this is where he’s at.

So he’s ditched school the last two days and there’s no texts so I’m thinking he was like ill or something. So wrong. And then I got a call from his girl Agent X asking if I knew where he was, so he wasn't with her. So she and me hooked up at Cafe Marco (lattes gooood) and she gives me the lowdown on how bummed Tariq is cos of this whole ultimatum from his parents about not seeing her - they had to split and everything. And he was totally torn up about it.

Tareq likes to play all gangsta but down inside he's solid. You can totally depend on him. And he seriously loves his family and isn’t gonna hurt them, so if they’re saying he has to drop Agent X or they'll disown him, he'll do it - but like it’ll totally do his head in how people he loves can be so seriously insensitive to his needs. I reckon, anyway.

So last night I finally call Tareq’s house. His mum answered and I’m all like ‘is he ill?’ and she’s all surprised and is like ‘no, hadn't I seen him in school?’ So I’m pedalling and going ‘yeah, of course, but he'd been feeling flu-ey.’ And then finally I’m checking in with my boy but he’s like really off with me. Didn't want to talk. Didn't need help. Told me to mind my own business. And then - this is weird - he asks me if I think he’s "a good Muslim". Which, you know, as it happens, since you ask, I think I am, but if you knew Tareq... that's a totally weird question for him to ask.

And I still don't know why he's been ditching school the last two days, or where he's been. I’m worried people.

Uh oh

Just when you think everything's going well...

Tareq came over earlier and he’s, like, freaking out. One of his mother's friends saw him snogging Agent X at the weekend, and reported it, and his folks have gone totally ballistic. And Agent X, who they really liked when they met her at the big conflab when she was just a "friend", is so out of the flavour of the month club it’s not funny.

So he’s been like banned from seeing her again. And this wasn't a regular parent-son talking-to, it was very serious and heavy. And like I said, he's totally freaking.

I always thought Tareq's parents were like open and friendly, but it just shows how wrong you can be about people. They're happy to do business and socialise with anyone, but when it comes to their son going out with an English girl - a girl they've already met and said they really like! - then he gets like the whole heavy hand and the big bans and the threats.

Seriously. And you can imagine how he’s taking it – not well. Very not well.

It totally does my head in this stuff and I don’t know what else to say.

Once upon a time this was meant to be a blog about technology and gadgets and cool stuff and it's ended up being mostly me talking about my life, ...

but in a brave try to get things back on track I can report the following:

There is still no sign of my iPod.

So I was thinking that someone had nicked it so that they could sell it back to me cos that’s what they do but there’s been nothing in a major way – no one’s saying anything – not to my face anyway but I totally got the feeling that there was dissing in my direction today. More than usual anyway.

I've not told my parents yet.

I'm totally low but Tareq’s in a major spiral - seriously. And like, yeah, he used to use it all the time and stuff but that’s not it. He’s carrying this major chip on his shoulder, and he's going on like how he’s 'refusing to be a victim' and 'time to make a stand' and stuff. Militant. It's not like him, it’s totally off, and it’s got me buzzing in my head.

Strange things

Yeah I know – I’ve been totally slack again with my postings – sorry fans. My mind is totally mashed at the mo – too much going on in my head even though there’s not a lot to say really…OK, well, I’m here so I’ll try – this is what it is…

1. Some total reject stole my iPod. And like it’s not about 'I lost my iPod', ‘cos I totally know where I left it, and I’m not going 'I got mugged for my iPod' - which is a bonus I guess - but it's seriously just gone. Took it to school, put it in my bag, and then it’s gone after school and I’m bugging cos I don’t know where it went. OK, so it’s a bit duff - 1st-generation Mini (gold), only 4gb, but I totally suffered to get it. So it's old and it's seriously poor - I like the gold though cos I think it’s classy but that’s just me and I’m no 50 Cent so like I could be wrong - and this is what I’m saying - I'm seriously thinking someone took it to mess with me. Wouldn't be the first time, but my eye was on my bag nearly all day, if you get me, so it must be some wack-job in my class who nicked it. I dunno, it could be like the same old ‘take stuff from Ahmed - he's different - or is it racked up? - is there someone out there who seriously has a problem with me?

2. My parents are being totally weird. There were all these big plans to go over to Bangladesh for Christmas to see the family, the whole family get-together - you know what I mean with the aunties and everything, but suddenly everyone's like ‘we're not going to Bangladesh this year Ahmed’ and they’re on a total downer with all these weird looks and stuff. It’s all wrong and I am worried.

3. And then there’s just this whole weird vibe I’m getting all over - serious - it’s freaking me a bit - got prickles on the back of my neck but it’s not like specific if you get me. And Tareq’s totally gone right now - he’s really getting to me with his whole loved-up thing with Agent X. He’s all about the love now - he’s the man and reckons I’m jealous cos I haven’t got a woman but like - JULIE - right? But then Tareq’s all like, "Dude she’s on Messenger" and "You’re probably giving the love to her Mum or something." Tareq’s my best mate right but sometimes he’s just so wrong.

So that's where I am right now: feeling freaky and wrong and I know I’ll like shake it off but right now I’m bummed.

Result! Good guys 1, Eastburgh Estate 0.

We did it! Tareq's not moving to the Eastburgh Estate!

I went round to Tareq's place this evening, and we had this very serious grown-up meeting with him and his parents and his phone-finding girlfriend - she asked me to only call her Agent X on the blog, so Agent X was there too. She lives on the Eastburgh Estate and it turns out she knows it backwards.

So we talk for about an hour and show her the video I shot two weeks ago, of that flat being vandalised, and then Agent X pulls out photos of racist graffiti that's totally out of order and broken windows, and she's talking about all these cases of non-whites being driven off the estate by gangs of teenagers, and she was really impressive, like a lawyer off CSI or something. It was like being in court: People vs Eastburgh Estate. You could tell Tareq's parents were totally blown out at the end of it. His dad said, "Well," and his mum said, "That's given us a lot to think about, hasn't it?" and if you know Tareq's folks you know that means they're taking it in a really major way. An hour later they've decided: they're not moving. Which is great. After Julie went, I don't think I could stand someone else going away. I know that Eastburgh's only half a mile, but it feels like another country. One where there's a war going on.

Agent X: totally cool girl. I can see what Tareq sees in her. And she asked me if I wanted to help her with finding out what's really going on around Eastburgh, and I said well, maybe. There are boundaries with girls – especially your best friend’s girl – I’m not stepping over that line for anyone.

Phone crisis over!

The phone has reurned! Its in my haand right niw, wich is why mu typin is nor grete. Ill putt it dow. There. Better. So I have my phone, and by the way I hate Tareq.

Here's the deal. This girl emails me to say she's found the phone and can she hand it over. Tareq says it might be a trap - one of the meatheads from the estate tricking us so he can do us, so he (Tareq) should go instead of me, because he's bigger and did that kung-fu class when he was nine. I said okay and gave him the 30 quid reward money to hand over if it's for real.

So Tareq – the total dog - goes to meet her at this cafe, promising to come straight back, and an hour later texts my mum: "TELL AHMED: GOT YR FONE. CUTE GIRL. GOIN TO SEE BORAT. SEEYA L8R" And when I finally see him at school - next day - he says that the girl who found the phone was really nice and she didn't want the cash so he used it to take her out. They hooked up! On my money! And they've got another date set up for Wednesday! As I said – a Dog.

But I got my phone back! It's still blocked but I was able to get what I needed off it. Not the video I told you about, though that's important. Time for true confession – it was Julie’s number. The phone’s the only place I had it, and now she's in Coventry I had no other way to contact her. But I've got it now, and I called her, and we spoke, and I'm a happy man again.

No signal

It's been 3 DAYS and no phone. Big shout out to everyone who emailed - thanks big time for your concern. And no, I haven't tried calling it. The first thing I did when I realised it was gone was call my network and report it missing. Like you're supposed to, right? So they bar the number so nobody else can use it. So I can't call it. Which is totally braindead of me. I blame it on the punch in the head.

How I lost it, that's another matter. See, Tareq and I had gone to check out the estate, getting ourselves some inside knowledge so we could prove to his parents that it's like a total hell pit - remember I told you about their whole genius plan to move to loserville? Well, anyway, we found the proof - plenty.

This crew of total mingers were doing over a flat, you know what I'm saying - the whole spray-paint thing and kicking the door and stuff. It got nasty - totally grim. So the G-370 isn't the newest phone out there but it can take video, so I took video.

But then they clocked us and we had to hack it out of there with the barbarians right on our backs. We got away after a bundle but somewhere in the middle of it I dropped the phone.

We did actually go back to where I thought I'd lost it, later, but there's no sign.

This is TOTALLY DOING MY HEAD IN - I'M GOING TO EXPLODE. If you know anything, PLEASE let me know. There's 30 quid in it.

REWARD OFFERED FOR MISSING PHONE

I've lost my phone. I seriously need it back.

It's a G-370. Black case. AC carved into the inside of the battery cover.

I know the G-370's totally old and yes I could get a new one, but this so isn't about the phone. It's about what's on the phone. There's some smoking data on it and I need it.

OK so details: I lost it on the Eastburgh Estate - I think somewhere between Livingstone and Dever blocks and the main road. There's a path near some bins and I dropped it along there somewhere. I was hacking it away from some major trouble when I got caught big time and dropped it. Didn't want any more of a hammering so I just had to leave it.

There's a reward of 30 quid, which is all I can afford right now, and I've done some flyers and stuck them up round the estate. Yeah OK - maybe that's not so smart but I really, totally, seriously need that data back. So if you know anything or hear anything, get in touch. Please.

Estate of the Nation

Tareq's got a major problem. His parents want to move to be closer to Tareq's uncle's big new shop, so they can help out with it. So far, so OK but, here’s the kicker, the shop's in Piers Road. You know what I’m saying right? Eastburgh estate. And Tareq's folks want to move onto the estate.

Total insania, right? I mean, like these people have eyes right? How do they not see the graffiti around there? It doesn’t take a genius to know that anyone who's not like local aint welcome – I’m not even sure it’s friendly if you've lived there forever. But Tareq's folks are all like, "The property prices are very reasonable" and "This country is our home too" and "We don't know anyone on the estate who's had a bad time." Yeah – that’s ‘cos they don't know anyone on the estate at all!

Tareq's tried to persuade them that it's a totally duff idea, but they're not listening – he’s a teenager so like, duh. So he's asked me to help him. Another teenager. Strength in numbers maybe – I dunno. We need to prove that if the family moves to the Eastburgh estate it'll be all broken glass and tears and some very bogus stuff going down. We need a plan – I’m all out of plans. I think Tareq's got some idea from the way he's been scribbling in his notebook, and knowing Tareq it's going to be a bit mad, and someone will be sorry, and it'll probably be me. But I'll go along with it because what are friends for, right?

Putting the 'thick' in 'ethical'

So I saw this girl nick something today and it’s doing my head in.

I was in the newsagent and she’s paying for this Coke, and then she goes and asks the guy behind the till for some batteries. So he turns round to get them and then she grabs these Shoot Out packs from the counter and stuffs them in her pocket. Then she goes like, "Oh not those ones, I need AAAs, forget it," and walks out.

Total mind-melt! I mean what are you supposed to do? Run after her? Tell the guy? It's not like she was mugging someone, right? Nobody's been hurt. And it was only a few packs, about 3 quid. But if 3 quid’s OK then is 20 not? How much is crossing the line? I think there’s a grey area but I don’t know – I mean no one talks about this stuff do they? Or do people just split into two groups, "Stealing's okay" or "Stealing's not okay"?

I took some chewing gum from a shop when I was nine. I held it in my pocket all afternoon till it was all sweaty, and then I threw it away because thinking about it made me want to chuck. I guess that makes me "Stealing's not okay". But I still didn't do anything to stop her and it was wrong man – I do know that. So how wrong am I just watching her do it?

I've felt totally wack about it all day.

Sent to Coventry

Alright, alright, hands up - call the blog cops – random guy missing in action – wanted for slacking on his posting! Serious though - like I promised my mum that I would be "doing no swearing on the internest" (that's what she calls it) and everything and I'm going to stick to that, but... darn, fudge, sugar, zits. Poo, bottom and bum. JULIE IS GOING AWAY! SUCK CITY MAN!!!

She told me today. Her dad's got a new job in Coventry, with a house. Wicked and everything – I mean I didn't even know jobs did houses – cars yes – but a house, that is major. Julie reckons you only get a house when a company wants you in a serious way – like as soon as possible. So I mean it’s all good for them ‘cos they don't have to bother about looking for somewhere to live. But you know how soon is 'as soon as possible'? They're moving next weekend.

So yeah, this is the girl it took me most of the autumn to get the courage to ask out, and when I do she says yes and everything is totally wicked for three days until her dad comes along with his big job, and Coventry and the house and takes it all away. And she was the best thing that's happened to me all year (it's not been a great year.) And that's it. Piking Coventry.

At least I've got her number now. That's something.